The Reality of Being a Writer. (Part 1)

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I have been on this earth twenty-nine years now and I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just trying to be a good person and do better for myself, whatever the fuck that is. In the last ten years, I've lost myself, found myself and fixed myself. I finally feel like I've fallen in love with myself and you have no idea how good that feels. It took me years to realize my worth and some people may never find it. I know what makes me happy, what can make me sad and what I can do to avoid the sadness. You'd think I'd learned that when I was fucking twenty-two, but no. I was too distracted, the self-loathing, the hate I had for myself. It was unbearable at times, where it caused the worse depression I've ever had. I still think to this day, what would've been if it worked? What would be remembered of me, if I took my own life that night, those nights. I woke up and realized I had a second chance at life. I was still here and it was for a reason, granted I may not know yet, but I'm working toward it. Writing, it has to be it, I want to be like the greats. Fitzgerald, Lee, Shakespeare and Salinger. I mean those are my favorite old school author's, 'Catcher in the Rye' definitely has to be my favorite. I've always been a reader and I think it's what gave me the inspiration to try this myself. If you all knew how hard it's been to have faith in my writing, especially because no one's reading it. Am I that fucking terrible? Why can't someone tell me so I can stop making other people read it. I just laughed, laughed at my own insecurities, because I know I am a decent writer. I need some work and I plan on getting that, with a creative writing class next fall. I'm scared and excited all in the same light. I just know my writing is going to take me somewhere, even if I'm forty and just starting to branch out. I just know my dreams can come true, because I believe it. I'm writing it now, letting the world know. I WILL BE A FAMOUS AUTHOR. I will have that, because I want that. I know that the writing world can be harsh, brutal and even defeating at times. I see it, now especially, but I'm going to give this a try and you know me always have a back-up! The point to my post is it's hard to make it as a writer, I fucking know that, but I think I have a unique creative mind. My words true or not, I can make an impact with them. My favorite romance author though, Meg Cabot. She definitely knew how to make a page turner and I want that. I want people to not want to put my book down. I know I'll get there eventually. I mean I'm working with a famous TikToker from Chicago on a fanfiction right now. I'm excited, yet scared at the same time for this as well, because I know how people can be from here. Full of shit, but he's seems truly genuine and upfront on my half ass interview. (Still trying to get a coffee interview, that way I can stop bothering him while I'm working on it.) I feel like this will help get me out there, this collaboration project.  These Gen Z's are kind of hard to connect with, but I want to connect with them better, because fuck if I know how to do the Renegade or WAP. I know how to write words that make you feel, make you feel anger or sadness. I may even be able to turn you on with them. I'm just that confident and my advice to anyone is never give up on yourself. I think I realized at a young age, that the fight is worth the pain, the tears and fears. If you give up on yourself, you're giving up the chance to be whatever it is you want. This is Part 1 of the Reality of Being a Writer, Part 2 will be next year as progress. I want to see the progress I've made in a year and see how far I've come to my goal. I'm sending positive vibes to all my readers and supporters. I appreciate you all and hope you stay on this journey with me. 


Always. &. Forever.
Kristy

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