Finding Your Peace

    In having confidence, we find that it boosts our inner morale. It keeps us motivated to date, to explore our lives as well as finding the will and want to do something greater than ourselves. It gives us hope and desire, but what happens when you take confidence away? Where does confidence internalize from and how do we create it in our minds? I feel that psychologically, we as humans, have huge egos. Each time someone strokes it, it grows. Each time we look in the mirror and say, “you are pretty”. It grows. Ego is your self-esteem and how important you are to yourself. It is the idea of self-concept, where we grab our beliefs and morals internally. Self-concept plays a lot how we see ourselves and I feel plays a deeper role in our confidence.

                Confidence is gained, I do not think you were born with it. So, I asked men and women between the ages of 18-50, what gives you confidence. The number of men, men, that said their dicks. I am just not hopeful for the dating scene anymore. It is a chaotic shitbox that needs to be reinvented. That’s another blog for another day. I have had a young woman tell me that a few shots of alcohol give her all the confidence she needs to approach men. I can confirm that actually works and I think that is why I spent half my twenties drunk. I had another young woman tell me, “Looking good, feeling good, smelling good” gave her the confidence she needed. The confidence set a tone for her, because for her having confidence is what defines her. Cruel reality? Maybe, but personally I do not have the confidence I may have had in my early teens and twenties. It disappeared with all the men that broke my heart, left me high and dry or even the friends that gave up on the friendship.

One of my favorite testimonies, “Who gives a fuck? Why do you give a fuck, fuck it.” Those words replayed several times in my head. Why do we care what other people think of us? Why do we give people the power to control how we feel about ourselves? It is because some part of us are people pleasers. You can deny it, but there is one person or group of people that will always break your confidence. For example, mine is my family. No matter what I do, they are the ones that can make me cry myself to sleep at night. Make me hate myself for things I had done in my past. Most of all, they can make me second guess who I am. If I am different now. I gave them that power when most of them judged me for my DUI. I judged myself more, I did not need their judgement, because is family not supposed to love you unconditionally? I am sure the people or groups of people that bother others are in the same realm of significant importance. Or least for the sake of my point, can be. We are human. We feel, we laugh, love, and enjoy life’s greatest pleasures, whatever they may be to you. So, when we have someone break down our inner morale, our confidence, it may take ample time to progress from that. Progression is only the beginning to find inner confidence, because like my friend said, who gives a fuck. Fuck em’.

                Fuck em’, how I feel about people that have called me fat. My outer appearance does not define who I am, because I can change this. You cannot change your shit personality. Judging someone without knowing their integrity first makes you a shit person. If I have learned anything in my thirty-two years of life, is that people can amaze you sometimes and people can let you down. So, with that being said, you need to find your confidence within yourself. Positive affirmations to yourself, from yourself. Something I learned in rehab actually. Put a sticky note in your mirror each morning, saying something positive about yourself. Then before bed, read it to yourself before you throw it away. I find that dry erase markers are more environmentally friendly. Advice I need to take for myself, but nonetheless, trying is all we can ever do. If you don’t try, you get nowhere. Confidence is what you make it. Even if you do something embarrassing, find the funny in it, because there is always something funny about an awkward situation. Learn to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake as well as forgive yourself.

Each day gaining new confidence by wearing a new outfit or shoes, or maybe by going on a date with a crush or even a social event. Whatever makes your insides shine. When you feel good on the inside, you’ll feel good on the outside. Again, trying is the first set, do something small out of your comfort zone, like talking to someone new or wearing something you would not normally wear. There will always be someone who is praying for your downfall, always. Strive to be humble, and fuck people who try to block your internal peace, because there are plenty. The world isn’t so much fifty-fifty anymore. I feel there is more evil than good, but rise above it, be better than it. Because you deserve it and the peace.