Is Sex the Determining Factor in a Relationship

Have we failed ourselves in relationships? Has it become easier to just have sex with someone without emotions or any form of true intimacy?

A few thoughts I have ponder over the last week. It seems it is easier to cut off intimacy altogether, to prevent hurt. It is these thought processes that contribute to women I feel wanting to stay single. The pond, the sea, the swamp is filled with hopelessness. Non-romantics or try-hards but undoubtedly the laziest men and women left. It is easy for men to put blame on women and say,

“She doesn’t suck dick”

“Or she won’t do anal”

“She never has sex with me anymore”

Rather than accept a woman’s dislike to a certain sexual act. Even a lower libido is a problem that people seem to forget happens. It is easy for women to say,

“His dick is too small”

“He is not aggressive enough”

“He never has sex with me anymore”

Rather than accept that some men just aren't dominant and do not actually like treating women like discardable toys. Even a smaller dick can rock the motion of your ocean.

So, are these things really deal breakers? Will a man or women cheat or give up someone they connect with on an intellectual level? I think so, because as humans we think the next best thing is better than what we have in front of us.

The point, is sex really the determining factor in a relationship?

I think we’ve created this bubble where sexual prowess is what gives you points in relationships. Where if you are good in bed, then you are good enough to wed. Are these not things that fade with time? What are you going to do when the sex fades in a sexual relationship? Stare at each other? Intellectual stimulation is the best kind of focus in a relationship. I think men forget that women are sensitive creatures, we thrive off words. It’s what makes a great orgasm. Sure, foreplay works for most people. Have you ever had a man say in your ear, that “your pussy feels great around his cock?” Soul sucking. Or how their words or gestures get you in the mood quite easily. I think women forget that men are simple creatures. They do not expect much and do not want much. Suck their dick on Monday and cook for them on Tuesday. Let them go out with the boys on Friday. We put this unrealistic perfection/fairytale pressure on a relationship, and it is bullshit. Nothing in the movies is real, it is a hopeless romantics dream. I know of like 4 people who got married to each other and had been dating since high school. And ALL of them had previous relationships with other people. Sometimes we need to see what we like about ourselves to see what we like in another person.

 I had a friend describe the dating world as lazy. And even women have gotten to the point where they are like Samantha from Sex and the City. Desperately striving to be a man in a war with men. It’s like this cat and mouse game, that no one really signs up for. We play this game of back and forth, just to end up with someone else. I have asked multiple people if sex defined what they look for in a significant other. It shocks me just how many people think that sex is what solely makes intimacy.

Intimacy: close familiarity or friendship; closeness. The google definition.

          I think people forget that intimacy is not just a physical act. It is a mental, emotional, and spiritual thing. Without those other three things, what do you really have? A soon to be messy relationship with someone you have no connection with. Obviously, I am biased yet fueled with all the traumas from previous relationships. So, I think that creates an easier way to accept men for the lazy asses they tend to be. Because sorry Doug no one wanted an unsolicited picture of your 4-inch chubby cock. I also feel this is a way for men to accept beautiful women for being straight up crazy bitches. Because sorry Sarah showing up at a party you knew he was going to be at is still extremely creepy. I feel age plays a major role. As men grew older, they realize what women want and how women feel. But do women? I know it is a thing, that women are typically more mature than men. However, I feel that women in younger generations have stumbled upon immaturity. And not in a good way. Not cutesy and “Aww she’ll grow out of it” shit. It is bad out here for everyone and I do not know when we will grow past the ignorance and grow a backbone in what relationships could potentially be.

I fully believe there is someone for everyone, but any hopeless romantic would say that.

No, I hate romance. Just kidding.

            In the end, I feel if we incorporate the other three components in intimacy we could strive for better relationships. A relationship takes work and without the work you do not have a relationship. I think people forget that. So, try it and see how it works for you, because sex SHOULD NOT be the determining factor in any relationship. It fades just as looks, so look for someone you connect with on an intellectual level and then incorporate the sex. Hopefully then the closeness that you were already feeling will grow into something more.