Ideas Go Here

     I am not going to sit here and pretend I am some relationship expert or guru, but I know my shit. At least now I do, personal experience, outer experiences, but most of all intuition. Something I think we forget to use in times that we need to use it. Our intuition is something we may disregard, and why? Why do we disregard our innermost, deepest feelings about our experiences? I feel it is because we ignore the initial red flags, in a sort of sweet ignorant bliss of getting to know someone we have grown fond of. In doing so, we take away from what is truly reality. Love bombing, gaslighting/manipulation, and most of all the fucking ghosting. I will not condone ghosting, I fucking hate ghosting with a bloody passion. It is a toxic form of control, and I do not fuck with it at all. In realizing the initial red flags, we open our eyes to see the truth in the person that we like or may even love.      Toxic relationships have become a trending concept, an...

  When you think about it, I may have known subconsciously what was really going on. Maybe I thought that if we rekindled what never existed, he would be different. He is not different, nor am I if I thought what I was doing would secure whatever it was destined to be. Nothing. I write constantly about what could have been and what might have been, but what is, is I cannot subject myself to these sadistic men. The world portrays happiness in anything, but heartache never seems to heal. Never seems to be forgiving.   Submissive, masochistic, sad girl, He was never your world. He always belonged to someone else. Whether you realize it or not. You were always just some callous tart, As they say, Maybe one day I will be able to let his opinion of me go, But now, I flow, and flow, Down the dreaded river of tears, Trying so desperately to subdue my fears, I conquer, what conquers me, Yet, I find myself falling in love. Love, What’s that? A feeling of ...

       It’s like an escape really, Raymond and me. He makes me feel almost human, the array of emotions I feel when I am with him. It’s feral, real. I pulled through the roundabout, the wind blowing through my long curly brown hair. The music filled my ears, the bass filling my heart. I was on my way to see Raymond. He invited me over earlier to play cards with him and the guys. At first, I wanted to say no, because that meant I would have to stay and wait patiently until he fucked me. Like a good girl. I could hear his voice in my ears, and it made me instantly wet. His voice always did that to me. The sultry confidence with undertones of dominance undeniably sends me over the edge. I cannot handle being away from him for long. Yet here I am, six months have gone by without a word and when he calls, I come. Literally.      I pulled onto the street, feeling my insides do a flip and flop. I could feel myself start to second guess everything. Even though...

I had never realized how eye-opening this solo journey would be for me. As an older more mature woman, with some still childish antics. I recognize now, after all these years, I found out who I was many years ago. I have just tried my damnedest to not be this person. To strive to be normal, but I am not normal, and I am still trying to cope with that. Society has so many guidelines that as humans we are supposed to follow. I have never been one to follow the rules on a straight and narrow path, but I worked my way to it. I have tried so hard to control everything that happens in my life. That when the control failed or was not something I could control, I’d feel hopeless. Hopeless that I had failed something that many others before me had failed at as well. That is the thing, we spend so much time trying to be this perfect version of ourselves that we somehow lose a piece of ourselves along the way.               ...

 A small-town girl, Living in a small world. I am from a big family, Where camping and being together every year has since dissipated. Where our families estranged, For reasons unknown. Patient and kind, I find that sometimes I am strange, Or unique. One day at a time, Has been constantly on my mind, I had never found time, To do what’s right, For me. I am from strength, Where “momma didn’t raise no fool” pushes a lot of my decision making, A simple phrase, Carries so much weight. I am from love, Where my Gramps is cheering me on from above. Patient and kind, I find that sometimes I am afraid, Alone in a world turned cold, At least that’s what I am told, But I’ll fold, And fold, Until nothing is left. Because love wins, And all love is kept. No matter what you do, Love always shows through. Because love makes the world go ‘round, Patient and kind, At least that’s what I find.  

 The swell of emotion, Circles my heart and mind. You’re like a love potion, Cosmically stuck trying to find. I feel broken, A mere token, In a game I never wanted to play. I wish my love for you would fade, But instead, It stays taking a piece of me each day. My heart turned cold, As I grew old, Fourteen years later, and you still have this hold. Tight, Your hold is tight. In control, Never letting go, Your hand wraps around my throat, Your eyes staring down at me intently, Begging, Teasing, Knowing you were leaving. Yet still, Your hold never lets me go. Just for today, They say, Yet a day without you seems like forever. Hopelessly in love, With someone who will never love me back. It’s like I am having a heart attack, Clutching my chest, Gasping for that last breath. You’re like kryptonite, Desperately running away, Knowing ultimately, you’ll have to pay, The final price. My soul. A soul bond I never asked...

                 We spend half our lives trying to find “the one”. The one who we are meant to spend the rest of our lives with, who will be there for us through anything and everything. We are the same for that person, but how do we do that in a digital world? A world where it is so easy to lie about who you really are, or who you want to be. A world where it is easier to accept a negative relationship and attention than positive. Where it’s acceptable to use someone for your own personal benefit, a hedonistic perspective. Why do we as humans think it is okay to act and respond to someone’s genuine feelings in a negative way? Because social media/media says it’s okay. Glorifying ignorance. If we took out social media, who are you?                 I consider myself a hopeless romantic, I still believe in Disney fairytales and genuine men. A man who will take the time...

     In having confidence, we find that it boosts our inner morale. It keeps us motivated to date, to explore our lives as well as finding the will and want to do something greater than ourselves. It gives us hope and desire, but what happens when you take confidence away? Where does confidence internalize from and how do we create it in our minds? I feel that psychologically, we as humans, have huge egos. Each time someone strokes it, it grows. Each time we look in the mirror and say, “you are pretty”. It grows. Ego is your self-esteem and how important you are to yourself. It is the idea of self-concept, where we grab our beliefs and morals internally. Self-concept plays a lot how we see ourselves and I feel plays a deeper role in our confidence.                 Confidence is gained, I do not think you were born with it. So, I asked men and women between the ages of 18-50, what gives you confid...

            In the 13 years since, I find that I still reminisce about what could have been. Where we would be if things were different. If I was different, but especially if he was. In a social psychology class, the teacher had us learn the difference between liking and loving someone. The difference between physical attraction and interpersonal attraction. Interpersonal attraction is the concept of the strength of either liking or loving someone through experiences with them. Physical attraction is usually the first thing we recognize in someone that we may be interested in. The way their hair lays, their eye color, their smile, weight, height, etc. In only having relationships based on physical attributes, we leave ourselves susceptible to being hurt. What do I mean? When we pick someone solely based off the way they look, they may not be the person we thought they were after we get to know them. So, then what do we do when we find out that the person th...

                 There are many reasons why men and women seek attention from the opposite sex. In research I have found psychological, personal and recollections from friends as to why attention is an objective. The logical response is, do we really know why attention is sought out? Maybe not, because people lie to themselves every day. To make themselves feel better, to be seen as better than others and even in some cases, pathological. It seems that social media even plays a major role in attention seeking behaviors. So, let’s discuss the issue at hand.                 In theory, everyone has some sort of attention seeking behavior. Whether it be for likes, comments and in my case, reads. There are certain personality traits that contribute to the attention seekers. Passive aggression and manipulation are key traits in someone who thrives off attention. They will ...